I feel like doing all of this is so difficult. Ok, let me explain. Money makes the world go round, we know this. Its original purpose was to act as a means of transfer that everyone actually agreed on in order to eradicate the fault-filled barter system. Fine, all is well. But NOW?! What kind of insane society do we live in where meaningful relationships with other human beings go to shit all as a result of chasing money!!!!
Think about what you want. No, I’m serious, really think about it 😦
Is it actually money? If it is, why do you want that money? Is it for all the social implications? Do you really enjoy basking in the compliments of people who would feed off of your failure? How fucked up is that.
I’ll tell you what I want. I want a significant other who shares in my sense of erratic adventure and who challenges me to push myself. I want someone who constantly teaches me new things not because it makes them feel better about themselves to have that power over me, but because it makes them absolutely delighted to share it with other people. I want my friends to be happy. Truly, incredibly happy. They deserve the world and more, but I may be a bit biased.
Before making your next big decision, please do think deeply.
Sometimes I feel like I have moments of intense emotion and admiration for the world we live in. Then it goes away, and there’s nothing left. In one of those fleeting moments, I watched a series of YouTube videos from a channel called Jubilee Project.
It was – I’m not ashamed to admit – a (very late) Saturday night, and I was lying in bed, laptop on my stomach, in a position that looks something like this:
I began watching this video. I was touched by the insight everyone had to offer, regardless of his or her age. When the camera finally paneled to a beautiful older woman (67), her thoughtful eyes and honest expression couldn’t help but resonate with me. After being asked, “If you could be any age, what age would you be?” She responded, “That’s a difficult question… I was in a hurry to get through life. Consequently, many of those years are a blur.”
That was it. That was the moment I knew I never wanted to say those words. Everything we know revolves around our memories with other people. Without this… What are we? I don’t expect you, or anyone, to ever actually answer that question, but it’s interesting to think about it a little, right? Anyway, that’s sort of why I’m doing this. I’ve tried keeping a journal in the past, but I just wasn’t able to get into a consistent rhythm. I really don’t know what this’ll be, but that’s the ~fun of it~
Maybe this is an appropriate time to add a little bit about me. I am what they call a “Native New Yorker.” I was born two blocks away from my parents’ apartment, and I go to NYU… who knows if I’ll ever leave. I’m still figuring out what the heck it is I want to do with my life, even though everyone tells me that I “have so much time!” and I’m “so young!” That excuse worked nicely when I was 14, but nearing on 20 is horrifying and I am incredibly unprepared for all that life has to offer. Regardless, I guess I’d describe myself as a girl yet to find her calling. I’ll keep you updated.